R2P2D42- VLCD D40

R2P2 Highest Loading Weight 165.3 Daily Loss .9 Current Weight 143.5 R2P2 Loss to Date 21.8 LIW R1P2 159.4 Under LIW 15.9 Total Loss to date from R1 Start: 45.5 Food Tracker:  Apple, 8oz Sirloin Steak, 2 plum tomatoes, 6 chocolate chip cookies, slice of oreo cake, 1 chicken nugget, 1 slice cheese pizza, 5 tb cheddar cheese chicken dip and 5 tortilla chips, cup of pink lemonade (approx 1600 calories total) Exercise Tracker:  46 minute walking 14.62 min/ml pace   I did everything wrong yesterday (well, not everything), and lost today.  I walked in the 85 degree weather, which normally causes me to gain.  I did a perfect steak day until 5pm rolled around, and I went to my littlest's school potluck picnic.  I ate beforehand, since I was starving all day, and was all set to forgo all the food.  I thought I was in the clear, since the sign up sheet showed nothing that would tempt me.   But then the binge happened.  It only lasted 20 minutes, but boy, was it good, and boy was it bad.  I saw those home baked chocolate chip cookies on the table, and thought, Ill just have a bite of my son's.  And it was ok, but I thought I got a burnt one, so I had to try another, and then one more.  And then someone else brought in ones that I LOVE, with the big chocolate chunks, so I had two more (and brought one home for my husband, which I ate too before bed).  And there was pizza, and dip, and oh so many yummy foods.  And I decided to eat them.  Eat them and NOT feel guilty, NOT purge, and enjoy every bite.  Well, I enjoyed most of it.  I was a little distracted trying to chase my two guys around, but when I sat down, I loved it, even though I felt really weird.  I was binging in front of all these people I didnt know, and letting my boys run and bother others so I could eat all that food, and I was a little worried they would judge me.  But not enough to stop, obviously.      It was something I needed to do, and Im glad I did.  Not because I lost, but because it freed my head up from being so tied to being good and eating clean, and feeling deprived.   I was ready for the scale this morning, not matter what it said.  I am refreshed and ready to keep going, and ready to make Eating well, and sometimes eating crap my life.  Feeling good about everything I eat.  Combatting the negative thinking with good thinking in return.    I definitely think my weight is so infinitely tied to my need for perfection in myself, and being in control, and not as much to do with the food itself.  And that is why the next phase of my weight release journey is going to be about mental purging and renewal, something that will free me from constant thoughts of food: when will I eat next, where will I eat next, what do I want to eat, how much should I eat, etc.  I need to stop thinking about food constantly, and start living.  I love my newly thinner body, but no matter what size or shape it is, no matter how many fat rolls or cellulite, it is MY body, and I need to cherish it.  I need to treat it with respect and support it so it functions optimally.  And I need to get to the point that I do that without having to think about it.  So that it is so ingrained it is not a choice, its just something I instinctively do.  I have a ton of books waiting to be read to support me through this, wonderful family and friends, and you, as well, my bloggy peeps.  Will you take this next journey with me?   ps-two things I did try last night as well, to support myself at the end of this round into P3:   Drank Everyday Detox tea from Traditional Medicinals (with Dandelion Root, thanks for the suggestion MGM!)   Took my first dose of Multiple Glandular Support (homeopathic) that Less of Me (on my blogroll) recommended from Elixirs.com.  She and her testing team have been using it and found it makes stabilizing in P3 so much easier.  She recommends starting it 10 days before your transition to P3, and provided the coupon: "15% professional discount" to be put in the comment field for us to use.  All total, 225 doses (once a day) cost $22 with shipping.  Anything to help stabilize, right?   What a wild ride this is...