Monday, June 27, 2011

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Pleasure Principle

I was lucky enough to attend the Weight Loss Pleasure Camp held at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY this month.  During the 5 day retreat, we learned all about how to give ourselves permission to feel pleasure, to explore it, to feel worthy of it, and to let it permeate all aspects of our lives.  As a result, Im breathing more, tuning into my body more, slowing down, asking my animal (my gorgeous body) what she wants and likes, and listening....

Today I went for an hour long walk (not run, walk) in the humidity listening to some great tunes, and singing at the top of my lungs when I felt like it, dancing a little, and overall, really enjoying myself.  My body did run a few times during the course of the four mile jaunt, because she wanted to, but this was not about working out or training for a race (which is so different than normal).  It was about experiencing the pleasure of movement, the feel of sweat on my skin, the joy that good music brings to me, and basking in the heat of the sun.  What a lovely experience.  And you know, every experience can be like that.  If you allow yourself to pay attention, feel it, glory in it, love it. 

Lunch followed my lovely walk: a salad with tomatoes, yellow peppers, hemp seed, and the best dressing EVER (rosemary balsamic).  I enjoyed every bite, I paid attention to every bite, I did nothing else but enjoy that salad, and the veggie soup I made from the CSA veggies I got last week.  It was divine.

Make everything you 'have to do' something you 'get to do' and experience the difference that makes in your life.  Pay attention.  Dont worry about calories, think only of your pleasure.  If you really pay attention to what your body craves, you'll find it wont be sugar all the time.  It might be some alone time, a hot bath, a cup of tea, a hug from a friend, a dance around the living room.   And when you experience pleasure in everything you do and everything you are, are you really going to care about what the scale says (the answer is no, in case you're vascillating :)

Here's to your pleasure...


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Long time no write

Hi fellow amazing beautiful women (and men if any of you are reading, you're so handsome!  Yes, really you are!),

I am trying to recover from my foray into the world of HCG.  I say this with the utmost respect for the diet. Yes, it definitely does work in the short term.  But in the long term, it caused me to rebound and become obsessed with food, body image (well I guess thats been around for a while), and spiraling me into the world of compulsive overeating and further numbness.

If you follow my blog, you will see that I started the downfall around Oct 2010.  I was so scared of my success, getting down to 133 (it was either fear or self sabotage), that I let it all hang loose during Halloween and the following holidays.  Weight came on quickly, and I did nothing to stop it. I started another round of HCG this year, and again, let myself become victim to the craziness that came up in my head from lack of nutrients and feelings of failure.  From Oct to Feb, I gained back 20 lbs, and Im just above that right now, after losing 10 lbs on the last round and regaining that plus a few.

Its been a rough ride.  I have done lots of reading on the subject, and have found that for some people (like me)!, initially this type of diet is really good, but start to not weigh yourself daily (which was causing me to binge since I didn't like what the scale said), and allow yourself the devil sugar and you gain back like crazy-the rebound is swift and vicious.  

And just to let you know, that gain occurred when I was working out at least one hour a day, doing yoga, running, swimming, circuit training, and biking.  So I was not Mrs. Inactive.

I spiraled back into the pits of a depression that plagued me in my early 20's, and considered going back on antidepressants, until I remembered that they caused me to be anxious, and then I had to take an antianxiety med, and so on and so on.

I recently read the Diet Cure by Julia Ross, and she advocates a variety of supplements depending on specific conditions (low serotonin, low adrenal function, and ex dieter for me), and Ive been taking them for the past two days.  I really don't like taking supplements, but I wanted to get out of this crazy headspace Ive been occupying for the last few months, and really get back to feeling like myself, and do it without rx pharmaceuticals, so I figured Id give it a tty.

Even though its only been 24 hrs, I feel better, much better.  I looked in the mirror this morning and congratulate myself on going for a run two days in a row, even though my average pace is way high thanks to the heat and extra pounds- I even thought I looked pretty good.  Im motivated to eat well, and haven't been tempted by sweets.  Im hoping this continues and its not just the TOM affect.

Any of you out there having the same issues?  I definitely do not think Ill be doing HCG anytime again.  Unless perhaps I can eat a regular diet with it and then take it for its feel good affect (and still lose?).  Anyone try that?

Hope everyone out there is doing well.  Im going to start posting my food mood logs, if I find some time.    Til then, happy times to you.